On Forgiveness

Have you ever messed up?

Have you ever insulted, falsely accused, or simply upset someone else to the point that they shut themselves off from you?

I have done this more often that I care to admit. I would love to say, that my age, I have figured things out and I make few mistakes or that I rarely sin, but that is not the case.

My father was someone who kept people at arms length. He was critical and non-trusting. Sadly, these poor examples became part of who I am as well. Because of these taught behaviors I find myself insulting, accusing, and upsetting people through being to honest or by being over sensitive about their mistakes and behaviors. Many people can overlook and easily dismiss the faults of others where I tend to dwell on them and as I over think the situations, I find myself backing away from someone and even avoiding them, as well as complaining about the flaws I see in them.

My dad use to tell me that I was thick headed and stubborn. It's true. When I am determined to do something, more than likely nothing is going to stop me. On the same hand it also means that I struggle to make needed changes. This is not good when it comes to making things right with those I have offended or that have offended me.

The fact is I offended someone recently. I chose to tell a third partly about a situation, who in turn went to that person, thus causing the offence. In their upset state, the offended person chose to go to a fourth party and shared the grievance (causing even more problems). Yes, lots of mistakes where made by each of us but I realized that my focus needed to be on me because I am accountable to Him for my actions and not for theirs.

So what happened? Well, I knew that I needed to apologize for my part of it, especially since I am the one who started the cycle of mistakes we each hard a part in. I felt it best to write a note that apologized for my part as far as it concerned the offended party and myself.

Normally, I would have just avoided the person but lately, as I have been praying more about my lousy default methods, God laid a verse on my heart that prompted me to try to make amends. Romans 12:18 "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."  

Boom, straight to the heart, my heart and the heart of the issue! Living at peace with others cannot be done in a strained relationship where bitterness, anger, and distrust take up residence.

It is hard to admit when we are wrong. It is even harder to admit that to another person. To live at peace will mean making peace, which may include asking forgiveness  What the other party does with the apology is between them and God.

How I move forward and respond to a person I offend or that offends me is between me and God. I need to examine my motivations and, leaving pride behind, I need to respond to them as God would have me to, in love.

Hard? Yes! Necessary! Yes!

How about you? Do you have someone that you need to make things right with? Have you responded poorly and know that it is going to be hard to ask forgiveness? Pray and ask God to soften your heart so you can apologize. Pray that the heart of the one that you need approach will be soften so he or she will receive your apology. Ask God to set up the circumstances in a way that makes it easier to approach the offended. Don't put it off to long, it only gets harder.

Once you have done your part, be prepared to let God work in that person's heart. They can forgive you or they can chose not to forgive you, it is not your decision to make for them. If, like me, offending others seems to happen often, stay in prayer that God will make you aware of your words and responses so it happens less and less allowing you to "live at peace" with others.