"Spotlightitis"

Have you met a person who has a need to be the center of attention at all times in all situations. Of course you have. Sometimes we think they're "cute". Other times we find them annoying. How we respond to an "attention getter" seems to be based on personality, ours and theirs.

Aside from personality, there are people who have a bad case of "spotlightitis". These people have a different desire and motive for being the center of attention. It stems from a need to be in control and/or advance in some way. They have a desire to be right, use their knowledge to impress others and sway the option of those around them, or gain a position they think they should have.

It's amazing how people with "spotlightitis" seem sincere and caring. They are constantly helping others, leading classes, and organizing group pages to share what they know. They always seem to have the right answers. They are avid readers and searchers. They are quick to use their experiences or the experiences of others to give advise. They draw people in. They crave having people around them that are impressed by them and seem to need them. Often those who "follow" the person with "spotlightitis" do not recognize their this persons need to have others around them and to be impressed by them.

It is hard to give advise to or correct a person with "spotlightitis". They believe that they are right, in most cases they will not listen to you what you have to say on a topic, unless they are seeking to impress or admire you. Sadly, they are quick to turn on you through gossip if they feel threatened by you in some way. The desire to keep people on their side is great and hurting someones reputation is easily justified in their mind.

It is easy to be drawn in and like the person with "spotlightitis", especially when they seem so sincere, caring, and helpful. It is not wrong to have this person as a friend and ask for advise or help, but be careful. We are stronger than we think.

The knowledge they have, we can gain through reading, asking questions, watching a documentary, and talking to our doctor. When we are able to gain help and information from many sources, our knowledge grows as well as our confidence in resolving a tough situation. It is also better to pray and seek God's help. His knowledge if so far above ours that we can trust Him to meet our needs. If the person with "spotlightitis" is a peer, seek out a person who is older and who's experiences are far beyond your own. Seeking advise of someone who is on the same path of life as yourself is not helpful when their are those who have "been there" already. An older mentor can enrich your life and help you come through difficult times much quicker. Also an older wiser mentor usually have a level of care and humility will far exceed the person with "spotlightitis".

Unsure if you are the person with "spotlightitis"? Test yourself. Try releasing control. Take time off from give advise or direction to those who ask, or don't ask. Back away from activities and people that you find "build you up" because they listen to you and hang on your every word. If you find it hard to release control; if the urge to give advise is too strong; if you cannot take correction or advise from others, more than likely you are suffering form this form of self-centeredness.

That Little Thing Called Gossip

This picture reminds me of the scene I've seen time and again in old movies. One women "happens" to mention why Mabel will not be attending tea that afternoon. In pure curiosity and concern, one of the other women ask why. The next thing you know the other women are all talking about Mabel's latest operation and what a cad her husband is. We shake our head and continue to watch as the movies shifts the story to another part of house.

What is gossip? It could be described as unproductive or destructive talk about other's personal or private affairs. In other words, talking about someone "behind" their back about something that does not concern you, or does not concern the other person being told. Mabel's latest surgery is no concern of Lola and Patsy, unless Mabel wants them to know.

Seems simple. It isn't for most of us. Even when we say we are not gossips, it creeps it's way into the conversation. Why? Some people like being the one who knows something that others don't know and they love the feeling that comes with being the one to tell. Others will gossip, share information about a situation, that they are directly involved, because someone "offended" them. They run around gossiping about the situation in an attempt to make it sound like the other person was at fault. Their soul intent is to make herself look the innocent bystander. Her hope is to get people aligned on her side so if that other person says anything, she already has a team supporting her side of the story, right or wrong.

Still others seem to enjoy setting fires and watching them burn. Do I think there can an innocent side to gossip. Yes, I think that someone can say something about someone else out of frustration and once it comes out of her mouth, she realizes she should have not said it.

Why not gossip? God Himself is very much against gossip. In the English Standard gossip is called "slander". In the long run, it doesn't really benefit us to use gossip/slander to get people on our side, to be the first to tell, or just to cause problems. It sets us up for failure. You see, if you are willing to gossip to me about someone else, how can I trust you?

What should you do once you gossip/slander someone else? Go to them and ask them to forgive you. Be ready though, they do not have to forgive you. You chose to hurt them, they may need time to heal before they can offer forgiveness.

How can you avoid gossip. Don't hang out with people who are gossips/slanderers. Don't be drawn in by the person who gossips under the guise of having you pray about it. Be careful of the person who speaks poorly of a spouse, parents or friends, eventually they will want you to side with them and the argument they use to secure your support is in fact gossip. If you tend to gossip yourself, pray and ask for strength to not gossip and stay away from those who you tend to gossip to when you are upset or frustrated to avoid gossiping.

Here's some reading to help remind you about how serious God takes gossips:
Leviticus 19:16; Psalm 15:3, 50:20, 101:5, 140:11; Proverbs 10:18, 11:13, 20:19; Matthew 15:19; Mark 1:22; Romans 1:30; Ephesians 4:31; Colossians 3:8; 1 Timothy 3:11, 6:4

The Unseen Threat

Yes, you're right. "The Unseen Threat" sounds like a commercial jingle for a termite control company. The threat I'm speaking of is just as much of a threat. It is one that works through the destruction of the mind and emotions. And as with termites, it can stay hidden from the human eye until it's destruction is so devastating that repair seems hopeless.

What is this "unseen threat"? The one I'm speaking of is one that involves the feelings and emotions. It is a sense of being threatened without an apparent cause. It's a tightening in the chest and jaw; a narrowing of the eyes; a sense of panic; the heart races; thoughts become irrational. No obvious threat, yet the response is as if a vicious dog had just jumped into your path of sight.

When I first began to notice that these feelings seemed , "irrational", I evaluated them as "control issues" (and at times they are). You see, my childhood was turbulent and life always seemed out of control and out of my hands. I controlled what ever I could, mostly in my mind, in an attempt to keep any ounce of sanity and dignity that I could.

As I hit my adult years, I  gained more freedom physically and in my thoughts. My mind was still in that state of defensiveness and an unrealistic sense of protecting myself continued to develop. At a young age I had to learn whom I could trust and from whom to keep my distance. The problem was that I kept myself from most people and had few friends (one all the way through elementary school, one in middle school, and only one close friend in high school). It was in an attempt to protect myself from anyone knowing what my home was like and who I was (I thought I was not worth knowing. I still think that at times. Interesting how deep childhood feeling can go).

When did I realize this "unseen threat" theory of mine? Just a few month ago. I was praying about a situation and it was as if God revealed to me that the problem/"threat" I was dealing with was "in my mind". I am not trying to minimize mental struggles, I know as well as anyone what that instability can cause, remember, I grew up with it. A question came to mind at the moment of the "insight", "Is this threat real or is it imaginary?"

"Is it real or is it imaginary?" What? I have a pretty descent sense of who I can trust and not trust and if a situation makes me comfortable or uncomfortable, now I am asking myself if what I am thinking is real or imaginary. Since I also tend to over think everything and this question was now throwing me for a loop, I had to evaluate if the question was legitimate and then if my thoughts were legitimate.

The evaluation went something like this: "Am I being physically threatened? No. Great. I like that answer. So there's no problem there. Am I being verbally attacked? Not that I knew of. Was I being emotionally abused. No." Wow! Have you ever had a burden lifted from your mind? I was safe. I live in a safe home with people who love me, with people who want my best. Even if my home were to be like my childhood home there was one thing that would remain the same, I am a child of God. He was my rock as a child. He was the one person in my life that I knew loved me and cared about me. I could feel Hid protection, time and time again (I would not be alive today if it were not for Him).

I guess maybe life always seems unstable for children of abuse. We peek around mental corners in attempt to protect ourselves. This is why I love that the battle we fight in our mind is one that God knows about. He knows that there is a spiritual battle that rages all around us, it is one that can affect our minds through emotions and feelings. .Ephesians 6:12 says, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." The passage goes on to tell us how to prepare ourselves for this battle.

Again, I am not trying to minimize mental struggles but I do know that, for me, there was freedom in realizing that I was living in a world that I had created to protect myself and that the "unseen threat" was not real. Now I have a way to evaluate perceived treats to see if they are real or unreal. Am I going to struggle? Yep. It is rooted deep from my childhood. Do I need to be defeated by it? Nope. I have a tool, not only a question to ask myself but also the weapons of spiritual warfare, God's Word. I have more hope and peace than I've had in years.

Now to work on the control issues.