The Importance of Family

For many of us, the importance of family is obvious. When we think of family we think of a group of people that we are related to by birth, who love and support us unconditionally.

It s wonderful when that is what family means, but what about when someone is raised in a home with abuse, whether physical, emotional, or mental? The thought of family can be filled with unpleasant emotions and memories.

So what kind of family am I speaking of when I say, "the importance of family"?

In a study that I am going through right now, I was struck by something I hadn't really noticed before. Jesus emphasized the importance of the "spiritual family", the family that is developed though the forgiveness that Jesus offers to each individual.

First let's make it clear that God established the family unit in Genesis when He made Adam and then made him a helpmate, a women who Adam named Eve. God told them to be fruitful and multiply.

Throughout the Bible God talks about and gives examples of the family. He sets up boundaries and commands in the Old and New Testament as to the roles and responsibilities that each member of the family is to fulfill, such as: children obeying parents, husbands loving their wives, and wives respecting their husbands.

Going beyond the family unit that happens through physical birth, we see a "new community" developing in the New Testament and it was being established through the teaching of the Savior, Jesus Christ.

When and how did Jesus do this? First through His example of love and care for those He ministered to. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John (the Gospels) all give us examples of the selfless life that Jesus lived. Then He solidified this "new community" when His mother and brothers came to get Him in Luke 8:19-21. He said to the people who were calling to Him that His family was there to see Him, "My mother and My brothers are these who hear the word of God and do it".

In Luke 11:27-28, a women cries out that the mother of Jesus was a blessed women. Jesus corrects her train of thought by telling her that anyone who hears and obeys the word of God is blessed. "Family" was taking on a new and deeper meaning.

In John 19:25-27 we see John and Mary the mother of Jesus watching Jesus die on the cross. Two of the few that had remained faithful all the way to the foot of the cross. Jesus looks at Mary and tells her to look to John as her son. He tells John to look to Mary as his mother. Were they related? Not as far as we know, but they were both believers in Jesus as the Messiah, the Savior, and therefore were part of a community that went beyond the birth family. What a beautiful picture!

Why is this "community of believer" so important to me? You see, I was not "raised" in church even though, as a child, I attended church most Sundays. My parents didn't take me to church, it was the church bus that came to my door each Sunday to pick me up and take me to church. I can remember from the age of 6 or 7 going to church on the bus with my brother and sister, who I woke up so they could go as well.

My parents didn't teach me about the Bible, my church did. My parents didn't help me know the reason for doing what was right, my church did. My parents didn't lead me to Christ, my church did.

My church, was to me, my "second family", my "spiritual family". I learned about the love of God, and how to serve others, and how to love my Savior at church, among a body of believers, who were a part of the "spiritual community" that Jesus establishes.

Even as an adult my "spiritual family" remains important to me. Many years ago my husband and I "left" our birth families and moved about a thousand miles away for his job. We became an active part of a church who became our family. Each place we have lived over our 27 years of marriage, our church family has been our "family", a family that is even closer to us than birth family because of the bond that is formed by knowing Jesus as our Savior, and the unity that comes in serving Him all with the same goal in mind, building the kingdom of Heaven.

Is the church perfect? No, it is full of selfish, self-center people who make mistakes. We must keep our focus on our Savior and realize that when we are all following God's plan and obeying Him that the hurt we tend to cause one another (just as in a birth family) can be forgiven, and we can love one another as God loves us.

The Attitude of..."Of Course..."

Have you ever come across anyone who has the attitude of "of course..."?

Let me explain.

My family and I did some traveling with a mission organization over a five year period where we lived in, and minister with people of, Central and South America.   

In our enthusiasm and naivete, we flowed along without much notice of the attitude of "of course". After almost three years and in our third country we began to realize that no one ever said "thank you" - to us, or even to one another. We also realized that even though we were very willing to give of our time, talent, and finances - no one took any sort of notice of it. It wasn't that we were looking for praise, or that we had a "savior" mentality. We just wanted to be a help. 

We began to take more notice of this "of course" attitude during our year in El Salvador. It was then that this concept really became clear. It became very evident that the "of course" attitude was one of, "well, God gave that to you to use so 'of course' your going to use it" or " 'of course' God gave you that, so you are suppose to give it away". Never a "thank you" or "God used you to be a blessing" just an "of course..." attitude. Sadly we encountered this same attitude in all four countries we served in, but we have also found it right here in the United States. 

When any one of us sees our work, whatever it is, as something we do because we are "supposed to", and then we project that mindset on those around us - we end up with the "of course..." attitude, which leaves very little room for thanks or appreciation. 

Why do I feel that this is a negative attitude to have? 

We are all frail, hopeless, sinful humans on our own. It is only by the grace of God and through the saving grace of His Son, Jesus, that we stand a chance of doing anything good and praiseworthy. So what gives us the right to "condemn" another person for doing what we feel is expected of them (a co-worker, a Christian, a parent, a teacher, a community worker) when we ourselves fail. This means, that as men and women, living on this earth, we are all equal, starting life and finishing it on level ground, so we need to see ourselves as equal in the eyes of God. We are all sinners in need of a Savior.   

Is there a solution to the "of course..." attitude? 

Compassion, encouragement, and thankfulness are good places to start. We should learn to be thankful to God for what we have, including talents and abilities, and then be willing to be thankful for what others have, including talents and abilities. We also need to humble ourselves enough to say "thank you" and not assume that someone should do something because God has given something to them.  

Combating the "of course..." attitude involves us not focusing on ourselves or on the "would be" efforts of others, but instead focusing on God. Here are just a few verses to get you started.

right heart attitude: Psalm 32:11, 64:10; 2 Corinthians 9:7 (cheerful giver)

thankful attitude: Psalms 63:5, 95:2, 100:4; Colossians 2:6&7, 3:15&16

joy-filled attitude: Psalm 105:13; Proverbs 17:22; Proverbs 105:43






    

Moms @ Home

There is a new trend that is gaining strength in the United States. It's the stay-at-home mom.

It it actually a new tread with ancient roots that stem back to the beginning of time.

After many years of "fighting", women's suffrage (the right to vote) was ratified on August 18th, 1920. Along with the right to vote came freedoms that women had not known in the US to that point in time. It would seem that the "roaring twenties" showed the "freedom" that came with the 19th amendment through the wild actions, or reaction, that we associate with that time period and young women.

I can't say that I agree with all the points of feminism. But even in the midst of, often, misdirected motives, has come the freedom to be who we, as women, want to be.

Has this freedom to be who we want to be always been beneficial to women or their families. Not always but as trends come and go it has allowed today's generation (women in their 20 and 30s) to "stay-at-home" to raise their little ones.

This generation of women are learning to be at home cooks and bakers, nurse maids, knitters, sewers, crafters, "handy men", financiers, and care givers beyond a single degree that may allow them to specialize in just one area in the work force.

Many of these women are choosing to give up extra income, extravegant vacations, elabrate homes, huge retirement accounts, and a deluxe SUV to be the one who loves and influences her children and the one who loves and supports her husband, on a full time basis.

They  are often misunderstood by other women who do not choose to stay home and even more so by those who feel that these women are setting the feminist movement back by staying at home. But they are sure-footed, brave, and have unshakable convictions.

Remember at the beginning of this blog when I said "a new trend with ancient roots"? Well these roots are grounded in the Word of God, the Bible and when God is taken out of the scenario, women are quick to remove themselves for the home and as the main care givers of their children.

I have to say that I have a hard time when someone says, "I would stay home but I can't". "Why? is the question that I want to ask. There are so many times that it would have been easier on our finances if I would have gone to work. I understand how hard it is to give up the things to follow the bigger picture.

I have had to learn to trust God to meet the needs of our family because I was choosing to be faithful to what He has called mother to do. I would do it again in a heart beat because nothing that I've done in this life has been more rewarding, My husband and I have two great adult children who we are proud of. If you ask them they will tell you that they are glad that I chose to be at home with them.

In your time of searching and praying about what you should do as a young mother or in your search as a older mother of grown children who is seeking advise to offer to a young mom who is debating whether to stay home or to take a job outside the home, consider these verses and examples from the Bible:

Genesis 1:27-28 (be fruitful and multiply)

the books of Proverbs (full of parental instructions that an at home mom would have more time to teach a child)

Proverbs 31:10-31 (this is the perfect women, but we can learn much from her)

2 Timothy 1:5 (godly instructions from an at home mother and grandmother)

Titus 2:3-5 ("working at home" is obvious here)

There are many godly examples of women "working at home" in both the Old and New Testament (including Mary the mother of Jesus) to read about.

Stay-at-home mothers of this modern world...I'm proud of you!



   

"I'm a Private Person"

"I'm a private person" is a phrase that I have been hearing a lot lately. I get what people mean by it because I have experienced the mindset that come with it although I didn't use the words "private person". 

Because each person is different and has had different experiences, the phrase means different things to each person that sees them self as a "private person"

For the introvert it means, "I'm overwhelmed by too much interaction with others and I therefore chose not to tell others about what is happening in my life. Communication can be draining."  

For the person who has faced abuse being a "private person" limits the possibility of being exposed to more abuse including ridicule and disapproval.   . 

For the person with insecurities (stemming from abuse, mental instabilities, or fears) being a "private person" is a safe place. It is a place to hide away from things that are disturbing to the mind and/or emotions. 

For the person raised in an environment where everyone is perceived as perfect, such as within a legalistic church body, the thought of "airing your dirty laundry" when it comes to struggles or trials is a definite "no", so they quickly retreat to being a "private person" to avoid becoming the topic of gossip or rejection.

These are just a few of the possible reasons for being a "private person" but the real question for a Christian becomes, "Is this what Jesus wants for me?"  

Another question for the believer is, "Does withholding who I am and what Christ has done (or is doing) in my life help others have a closer relationship with Him? Could they find courage in my story if I chose not to stay "private"?"

I do understand wanting to keep certain things "private" or hidden because I understand being abused and not wanting others to know what is happening. I also understand how abuse and temperament bring on insecurities, especially to the introvert. I also understand being raise in a church where most people seemed perfect and becoming a "private person" is the easiest way to hide from unfair judgement.

Something I learned alone the way is that my keeping "private", regardless of my reason, may prevent someone, who needs help, from getting help, based on what God has done for me. Is it my right, as a child of God, to withhold encouragement?

Here are just a couple of things that God tells us that He wants us to be...

Salt and light- Matthew 5:13-16

Beautiful feet- Romans 10:9-17 

And when you think you just can't do it...

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

If you have found yourself saying that you tend to be a "private person" or you think of yourself as such, examine what that really means and then compare it to what God calls you to be. If you find that your privacy is more important than following God's plan for you or you find it more important than offering encouragement through your life's story, then you may need to pray and ask God to help you find a balance between needing personal space and needing Him to embolden you.

I still struggle with how much, when, and who to tell about the things that I have gone through in my life. When I share it is because I want others to find courage in what I have been through. So often, I have felt alone, afraid, and without hope, and if sharing my experiences will help someone who is feeling any of these, I will share, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be, because I know it is what God wants me to do. How about you?