Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Affirming a Child Toward Positive Results

I home schooled our children for a number of years before they entered a classroom full of other children.

Until that point, our daughter had been our "social butterfly". Whether at the park, on the soccer field, at church, or on an outings with other home school families, our daughter enjoyed time running, playing and talking with other children.

I can still remember one day at the playground when she came running toward me, with great excitement, to share that she had a new friend. When I asked want the name of this new friend was, she simply said, "I don't know" and off she ran to continue playing with her new bestie.

The year before she entered fourth grade, her father, who is a a teacher, taught the students who she would be joining. Our thoughts were that it would make it so much easier for her because the class knew and liked her father.

We could not have been more wrong. A couple of the "leaders" in the group were girls who decided, for whatever reason, to isolate our daughter. She was being ignored and excluded and she knew it.

Her only friend that year was another "new girl" who's father had joined the teaching staff. Our daughter and this young lady met during the summer and became friends. She also felt the brunt of being rejected by the "popular girls" who had the power to set the tone for all the other girls in the class.

Every evening, for a year, our daughter came home in tears.

Our hearts broke. How could children be so cruel? Our daughter was a sweet, kind girl. How could someone not like her and instead chose to turn others against her?

Praise God that He directed us at that time. Instead of trying to "make her feel better" by ridiculing or demeaning the "bullies", we affirmed her as a person in positive ways. Today she is a strong person. She knows who she is in Christ and she has a heart for the "underdog". That difficult time made her a better person.

Recently, I have had the opportunity to watch a mother and father interact with their three small children. They stand out from others around them because the children seem to have such a hard time interacting with other children and the authority around them.

One thing I noticed was how they "affirm" the children.

One evening, after a meeting, the mother entered the room where the group of children were being cared for, only to find her oldest daughter break down in front of her as she ran into her arms. With out a word from the child, mom began to comfort the child with these word, "I knew this would be hard for you. There are so many people back her. I knew you would have a hard time."

Mom had just affirmed the child - but to what end?

Why is this even a concern? My fear is that this child is more likely to grasp an "excuse" and not take hold of a means of "dealing" with circumstances. (Proverbs 22:6)

Each "excuse" builds on the next. In the same manner, each time a child learns to "deal" with a circumstance, beyond their control, it builds on the next. That is how we move toward positive results in our affirmation.

Children are smarter than they are given credit for. When they find the easier road or shortcut, they will take it because it means less responsibility and possibly more attention from those around them. Children will gladly remain "babies" for as long as they can to avoid growing up. They will cry, whine, throw fits, and make you feel sorry for them, all as a way to avoid work and/or getting in trouble.

How will they learn to be who God created them to be if we as their parents and guardians do not help them to work hard, to take responsibility, to share, to be kind, to be polite, to be respectful, to be obedient? And the list goes on.

Is what the mother mentioned above wrong? Yes, only because she did not take the next step - that of building confidence in her child. It is as simple saying, "I knew this was going to be hard for you but you did it, you stayed the whole time and were brave. I'm proud of you. Next time, you'll do even better. Wipe your tears. You did good." In this way, the mother would have affirmed the feeling of fear but would have also affirmed in the child that her mother trusts her enough to do even better next time.  

We must train and we must teach our children (Deuteronomy 6:4-9) . We must help our children grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. Their future is in our hands. They are God's gift to us and He has placed them in our home for a reason. Let's seek His help to raise up children who will follow Him and do His will  and let's learn to affirm toward positive results.





Thursday, February 18, 2016

Getting Our Hands Dirty

After moving into the house where we now live, I decided that I wanted a vegetable garden. 

I had tried to grow a garden when we lived in Florida, but our small back yard was very shaded and all I could grow were flowers, which I loved.

My excitement grew as I started the process of establishing a garden. My excitement waned as we did everything by hand since we didn't have a tiller to work the ground.

The first attempt was a sad one to say the least, not much grew to maturity. Plus, I got it in late so things began to die off before they really got started. 

I guess I could have given up, but I was determined, and so I tried a fall garden. Once again, a fail.

The next spring I made another attempt. I bought more seeds as well as some seedlings. This time it did better.

The next spring my husband and I worked the compost from our compost pile into the ground as well. It was the most productive yet. 

This past spring showed itself the best so far. I even had enough zucchini, leafy lettuce, and tomatoes to give away! Exciting to say the least.

Now that my husband and I have a few hens, we have great natural fertilizer that we worked into the beds a few months back, covered them with leaves and will be tilling them to form rows so the planting can begin in the next couple months. So I am beginning the thought process for this spring, and I am looking forward to seeing what happens (I have high expectations to say the least).

So why write about my simple little backyard gardening experience? As I think about the work that it takes to garden I think about how many people I hear say, "I don't have a green thumb. I can't get anything to grow." 

Usually, if I pry a little, I find that they don't have the time, or that they don't take the time to "tend" the growing area. They forget to water. They don't weed. They do not watch for insects or disease. I would venture to make the statement that "they don't get their hands dirty".

You see, when I am in the midst of the gardening season, I am out in the morning checking on the garden, pulling  weeds, watching for bugs and disease, etc. Are you seeing a pattern or at least a difference? 

The point is that to have a green thumb, you have to have dirty hands. 

This concept applies to other areas of life. Without thought, commitment, and hard work there will not be success and there will not be a harvest.

Parenting takes thought, commitment, and hard work. 

A career takes thought, commitment, and hard work.

A life lived for Jesus Christ takes thought, commitment, and hard work (even though it is His thought, His commitment and His work that brings success and a harvest, we must still surrender our life to His will). 

God wants to work through us. He wants us to get our hands dirty to build His Kingdom. 

What does that look like? 

First, we must have a personal relationship with Jesus (salvation), then we will find that we all fall under the same standards set forth in the Bible (loving God and loving others, Matthew 22:37, as well as other commands). Beyond that, what God's work looks like in each of us differs depending on what He has given us as far as abilities, talents, and gifts are concerned.   

My abilities, talents, and gifts are different from yours but God will use each us to reach those He has placed around us. We can then depend on Him to give us the thoughts, commitment, and ability to do the hard work that is needed. 

It is a privilege to "get our hands dirty" to build His Kingdom through our commitment to Him.

Psalm 37:5"Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it."

Proverbs 16:3 "Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established." 



Monday, February 8, 2016

Are you Listening?

A few years ago, while working at a children's camp, my husband and I were present during a tragic event.

Each Friday evening, as camp wound down, there was a rodeo for the children (and families members) to watch and enjoy.

One Friday evening, as my husband and I manned our booth, we heard a simultaneous gasp from the crowd, then silence. As we squeezed between the grandstands, to peer into the ring, we saw a horse on the ground.

A bystander ask us if we saw what happened. We had not, so he went on to tell us that the fallen horse was laying on it's rider. The horse was motionless. The crowd was motionless as they sat in silence watching men rush into the ring to see if the man pinned under the weight of the horse was still alive.

Graham, the horses owner, was still alive but badly injured. In the days that followed we learned more about Graham's story.

Graham had trained his horse to lay perfectly still if it ever fell over with him on his back. Graham knew that weight of a horse, as well as it physical strength, could crush a man to death if it tried to jump back to it's feet after falling on it's rider. Graham's training and the horses willingness to listen to his master's instructions, had saved the the life of his rider, although the road that laid before him would be years of recovery.

There is another twist in Graham's story that I want to share. This twist came as his wife shared, in the days that followed her husband's time in the hospital, as she questioned "why?".

A couple of years before the accident, Graham came home and told his wife that he was sure that they were to become missionaries. His wife was against the thought and had persuaded her husband that if they were to be missionaries, that surely it would not be for years, after their two little boys were bigger. Besides, Graham was enjoying the position at the camp, working with the horses. Why would God call them to leave the ministry that they enjoyed so much?

Graham was willing to wait but now his wife, looking back, wondered if it was her delay in obeying God and following her husband, that had caused this tragic event and was now transforming her life and that of her family.

Was it her "fault"?  I think the the real question is, "Should she have been willing to surrender to the call God had given to her husband?" Regardless of the answer, should she have said, "I will listen to what God is telling you because I trust Him to care for us."?

Listening. Being willing to obey. It sounds like a strange analogy, but why was it that a horse would listen and learn yet so often, we as humans, don't? Speaking for myself, there are times that I can say that the horse is better at listening than I am.

My husband and I were recently asked how we knew that it was God's will for us to go on the mission field (were we served for five years) as well as coming off the field and into the place were my husband is now serving. A good question. Hard to answer in a few sentences. As I look back all I can say is through experience. By "experience" I mean that we have learned lessons of what it looks like when we are listening to God and when we are not listening to Him.

Granted it is not always obvious to us right away.

Each time God calls, each of us chooses to listen (obey) or to not listen (sin). When God calls us to do something and we listen (obey) we find that he rewards us in amazing ways. Each time we chose not to listen (sin) we find ourselves in "turmoil", which we usually bring on ourselves because we are in disobedience, hanging on to something that we do not want to give up.

I have been in this position time and again, "turmoil" brought on by not wanting to let go of something I see as important, instead of listening to what God is telling me to do. During these times of disobedience I have found myself miserable or in the midst of "everything going wrong".

I find that once I release control and chose to obey, things fall into place, which brings peace as well as other wonderful opportunities, often better than where I was before releasing control. God is so gracious and patient!

Listening and being willing to obey only comes as we submit to God and learn His way, which comes through prayer and His Word.

Proverbs is a good place to learn what happens when we listen and learn and also what happens when we chose not to listen and not to learn.

Here are just a couple of verses to start with...
Psalm 86:11
Proverbs 1:5, 9:9, 10:8, 19:25




Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Why Worry...

Have you ever heard the Sunday School song "Why Worry"? It was a song I learned in church as a child. It says, "Why worry, when you can pray..."

A song of great encouragement, but have you ever found yourself worrying while praying or worrying right through a prayer only to end the prayer still in a state of worry? I have, over and over again.

I know that I am not the only Christian in the world who does this. In fact, during a small group meeting a few days ago an elderly gentleman teased his wife as he told us, "If you need someone to worry about something for you, just tell it to my wife and she will worry for you." I laughed, but could relate to her at the same time.  

I am in the middle of a time of "concern" as I type. Yes, by concern I mean worry. It is one of those things where my "hands seemed tied". There's not a thing that I can do to change the circumstance or make a difference in the direction it takes. Stuck!

As I wondered though the house the other day, I found myself praying for peace. I knew that I could do nothing and that worry was just making me feel physically ill. I knew that I was in sin for worrying, so I prayed. Instead of an instant feeling of peace, the Holy Spirit brought a verse to mind. 

Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"

The thing that I love about this this verse coming to mind was the fact that while I was praying for peace, God was telling me to "be still". 

Have you ever told your child to "be still". It brought to  my mind authority, the kind of authority that only comes with experience and confidence that all will be fine, so "sit still and wait". 

Wow! That is peace, when God says to you, "It's alright, I got this. Sit still and wait." Can you see now why I used the picture of the little guy asleep amidst the hustle and bustle of a busy area. I liked the image of rest, a lack of worry that comes with knowing someone else is in charge and you you can rest in that fact.

Jesus addressed the topic of worry while He was on this earth. He knows that we are frail in this human state and He addressed it with the crowds as well as His disciples. Why? Beside knowing our weaknesses He also wants us to know that there is hope. He is that hope. He is our Hope. He wants us to turn to Him and to turn our worries, fears, and frustrations over to His care and to trust Him to handle it all, His way and in His time.

So what does Jesus say? 

Read thought these passages as you pray and ask God to take the worry that you dealing with and to bring peace, or a sense of "be still" and then release it to Him to deal with in His way and in His time.

Matthew 6:25-34
Luke 12:22-32

One last thing, Psalms 4:8 "In peace I will both lie down and sleep: for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."