Many doctors and organizations would argue about what the biggest threat to a healthy life is. Heart disease and cancer may top the list of biggest health risks but we know that there are many things that cause pain and suffering in these mortal bodies. I want to set forth what I consider to be the biggest threat to our emotional health, "great expectations". No, not Charles Dickens' book or those expectations that help us achieve goals but instead, expectations that are much bigger than the reality around them.
What do I mean by "bigger than the reality around them"? When the expectations we set for ourselves and those around us are impossible to achieve or live up to, then they become "bigger that the reality around them". This happens more often than we realize, especially in regards to those around us.
I'm just as guilty as the next when it comes to setting up "great expectations" for those around me.Then when they "fail me", I turn on them or I turn away from them, in hurt or in anger. In fact, I do this more often than I care to admit.
Where do such expectations come from? Well, they don't come from the Holy Scriptures. Jesus told us to "forgive as His Father has forgiven us" and to "turn the other cheek". They may come from our childhood, maybe a parent who always set the bar high for himself or herself and the rest of the family, to the point of being unattainable. Maybe from a teacher, an aunt, an uncle, or a mentor who was older and wiser, one who we respected and who encouraged us but that set unspoken expectations that we feel we could not fulfill. I am sure the list goes on and that there articles in medical journals somewhere, but that's not the point.
The point is that we cannot live under unrealistic expectations and we should not force others to live under our unrealistic expectations either. So what can we do about it?
First, we need to recognize those "great expectations" as they seek to establish themselves in our mind and emotions. Next, we must examine where they stem from (those imposed on us in our childhood, possibly). Then we must evaluate them to see if they are realistic or unrealistic. This must be done without realization (it is never healthy to make excuses to justify why we are doing something we know is wrong). There are realistic expectations, but they walk a fine line.
Once we see them for what they are (unrealistic expectations), and recognize why we are dealing with them, then we can move forward to reconciling them. This tends to be the hard part because it often means that we have to humble ourselves and make amends for setting our own expectations on those involved. We must realize that no matter how right we feel we are that those around us may not have the same expectations as we do. It is unfair to assume that those around us think or feel the same way that we do. We would be very offended if they assumed upon to us. In other words we may need to talk it out with them and we may need to ask forgiveness for our reaction. No, not easy!!
Even if what happened "to us" was the fault of someone else, we still have to be careful to examine our expectations and be willing to offer forgiveness and seek to set right the relationship, for our sake and for theirs. When we can train ourselves to recognize "great expectations" we will learn to live a more peace filled life.
