Don't let Fear have Rule

We have all experienced fear. The degree and affect of fear differs for each person depending on age, life experience, emotional maturity, and the help available during and/or after a fearful event. 

Yes, there are more factors and a countless number of things that bring fear but one thing is true, fear has the ability to keep us captive. 

I recently spoke to a women who told me of a move from a northern state to a southern state, where she is now living, that happened years earlier. She mentioned being fearful about the move because she had two teenage boys, both in high school. She knew that the move could be very disruptive for them since they had grown up in the area they were moving from. 


It would have been very tempting for this family to say that the risk was too great and they would rather pass on the job than to cause unneeded friction and chaos to their boys. Instead, they made the move and the boys are both fine. 

What made the difference for this family? They didn't let fear dictate what they should do, they did it and trusted that God had given this opportunity and they were willing to trust Him.

My husband and I had a similar experience when our children were entering their early years of high school and we knew that God was giving us the opportunity to do over seas mission work. We were very comfortable where we were. We had a good church, friends, a home, and my husband enjoyed his job as a teacher. We could have allowed fear to overtake us and "for our kids' sake" waited to answer the call until they both graduated. But instead, we trusted God and we do not regret it.

These are very simple examples. What about the young woman who fears marriage because of her abusive father, or the young man who fears pursuing a career because his family made him feel like a failure his entire life? 

The girl who is raped, the boy who is hazed, the mom who loses a child to illness, the husband who's wife is killed by a drunk driver, what do they all have in common? Fear. Fear of trusting, fear of starting over, fear of standing up to those who abuse them, fear of being alone.

So many fears. So many things to overwhelm us and shut us down. How can we ever overcome fear and keep it from ruling our lives?

Some people are born with an undying tenacity, very little affects them. Some people find it necessary to take a prescription to help balance the mind so they can think rationally. Others find "balance" with over the counter stimulates, which may provide some relief and may even seem to bring courage, but becoming dependent on something so artificial often proves to be a determent and not a help.

The rest of us, those who are facing fears that seem insurmountable, need a safe place and assurance that our fears are not going to devour us. So where do we turn?

For me, the only place that I have ever found to be a solid and sure foundation is in the arms of Jesus. That may sound a little hokey, but I grew up in an abusive home where love was not spoken, encouragement not given, and safety was not guaranteed. Fear? I  know fear!

All I can say is that when I came to discover who God is and how very much He loves me and wants to be there for me, I learned to trust Him and to have faith in what He says. I found comfort. I felt peace. I had assurance that I was never alone. 

Some ask, "Well if God is a good God, why does He let bad things happen?". He knows, He sees, He cares, but He has given mankind a free will and we make the choice to do bad things. It is more complex than that, but that is the basic answer, we do these things to ourselves and look to put the blame on Him.

As a girl, I would sit with my Bible and read. That is how I got to know God, who He is and what He wanted for my life. My Sunday school teachers where also a huge help to me. So I am going to get you started as you seek to find what it means to have faith in the One who wants to be your strength, and how to trust again so fear is not always standing in victory over your life. And remember, there are different kinds of fear, some that protect and some that debilitate.

Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 46:2 Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

Psalm 56:4 In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?

Ps 118:6 The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?

Proverbs 29:25 The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.

Hebrews 13:6 So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

   

Too Vested in One's self

Have you ever met someone who seems so vested in himself that he ignores life around him? At first you see him as someone who is genuine and honest only to now see him as someone whose only goal is to accomplish his own agenda.

Yes, I have met men and women who are out for self, if fact, I have, at times, been that person. We all have a selfish side and want to be the center of attention, but when does that selfishness become self-centeredness?

Self-centeredness is refusing to look beyond your own desires, wants and needs -and thereby failing to meet the needs of someone else, and/or failing to be happy for someone else.

Now, that general "definition" is not the first thing you think of when you think of a Christian and well, it shouldn't be, but that's who I am referring to here, as you will read.

Some signs that I have noticed in the self-centered/self-seeking person are:

1) They miss the bigger picture.
For the Christian, the bigger picture is supposed to be about building the Kingdom of God and has nothing to do with our glory. Our goal as Christ followers is to fulfill the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20)

2) They tend to shut out or ignore those with opposing opinions.
Because they see their agenda and their way of doing things as the best/most important, they will find ways to "silence" those who do not agree with them, such as ignoring or talking over that person or the classic "arguing a point" in an attempt to make them look bad.

3) They seek to discredit those who do not have the same vision. 
A "vision" is what someone sees for the future, whether for himself, his church, his company or his family. When the self-centered person is confronted about a faulty or unrealistic vision he or she is very quick to find ways to discredit the opposer.

4) They are in a constant state of change. 
This self-seeking personality is so desirous of a specific end goal, that they are quick to justify (what seems to be) constant change to reach that desired goal or to advance the vision. He or she will find every "loop hole", every excuse, and use every manipulation possible to make that "dream a reality".

5) They are careful to silence those who are willing to say, "This isn't working".
The self-centered person can be so narcissistic that even when failure is obvious he will keep holding on to the thing that is destroying (discrediting) him or those around him. The person who finally approaches him or her will find "hostility" because he is sure that he is right and he only needs the time and resources to make it happen.

6) They are jealous of others who have succeeded where they seem to be failing.
This person is the one who wants something so bad that they can "taste it". The problem comes when they have been working for a long while and nothing seems to be going the way it should. They will speak poorly of the person who has found the success they desire but have not attained...yet.

7) They become a crusader and/or lone wolf as people stop following them.
Because the self-centered person is so driven to have their way succeed they will become desperate to hold on to their vision or dream and do whatever it takes to keep it from dying, especially as they see people giving up and walking away. This includes surrounding him or herself with "yes people", constantly "pounding the point home", belittling people for not being totally on board, or trying to guilt people into it. None of these things builds support, in fact, it drives people away once they see the self-centered person for who he or she really is.

Regardless of what the charismatic self-centered person may say or do, in reality they have stopped seeking to find God's will, they are not genuinely loving others (unless you totally agree and follow everything they are saying), and the goal or vision has become an idol (it has taken the place of God).

Is their a solution to combat this self-centered/self-seeking attitude?

First the person MUST recognize that they have a problem and that they need to make changes.

Next, the person must turn to God in repentance and prayer. He or she MUST ask God to help them recognize the self-seeking attitude for what it is (even when the goal or vision seems to be one that will build the Kingdom of God but in reality is set to build that person's reputation).

Another key is constant evaluation instead of constant change. They need to ask, "What is my motive? What is really in my heart? Am I doing this for God or for me?". Every time he or she finds that they are falling back into the "self trap" they need to seek God's help.

Another huge key is real accountability. The self-centered person who surrounds him or herself with "yes people" (those who tend to be weak and naive in the presence of someone who is strong and persuasive) will tend to get his or her way. It is up to the person seeking to change from a self-centered person to a God-center person to surround him or herself with people who ask the hard questions and are not afraid to confront when it is needed.

Whether this applies to you, your parent, your child, your boss, or a friend we must be patient and realize that change is not easy and that it can be a struggle,  but also realize that you must be firm or change will be ignored.

If you care about someone, then you will have their best interest at heart, and when change comes, it will not only please you but will also lead them (or you) into a path that allows God to be first, which is the best cure for self-centeredness.