Too Vested in One's self

Have you ever met someone who seems so vested in himself that he ignores life around him? At first you see him as someone who is genuine and honest only to now see him as someone whose only goal is to accomplish his own agenda.

Yes, I have met men and women who are out for self, if fact, I have, at times, been that person. We all have a selfish side and want to be the center of attention, but when does that selfishness become self-centeredness?

Self-centeredness is refusing to look beyond your own desires, wants and needs -and thereby failing to meet the needs of someone else, and/or failing to be happy for someone else.

Now, that general "definition" is not the first thing you think of when you think of a Christian and well, it shouldn't be, but that's who I am referring to here, as you will read.

Some signs that I have noticed in the self-centered/self-seeking person are:

1) They miss the bigger picture.
For the Christian, the bigger picture is supposed to be about building the Kingdom of God and has nothing to do with our glory. Our goal as Christ followers is to fulfill the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20)

2) They tend to shut out or ignore those with opposing opinions.
Because they see their agenda and their way of doing things as the best/most important, they will find ways to "silence" those who do not agree with them, such as ignoring or talking over that person or the classic "arguing a point" in an attempt to make them look bad.

3) They seek to discredit those who do not have the same vision. 
A "vision" is what someone sees for the future, whether for himself, his church, his company or his family. When the self-centered person is confronted about a faulty or unrealistic vision he or she is very quick to find ways to discredit the opposer.

4) They are in a constant state of change. 
This self-seeking personality is so desirous of a specific end goal, that they are quick to justify (what seems to be) constant change to reach that desired goal or to advance the vision. He or she will find every "loop hole", every excuse, and use every manipulation possible to make that "dream a reality".

5) They are careful to silence those who are willing to say, "This isn't working".
The self-centered person can be so narcissistic that even when failure is obvious he will keep holding on to the thing that is destroying (discrediting) him or those around him. The person who finally approaches him or her will find "hostility" because he is sure that he is right and he only needs the time and resources to make it happen.

6) They are jealous of others who have succeeded where they seem to be failing.
This person is the one who wants something so bad that they can "taste it". The problem comes when they have been working for a long while and nothing seems to be going the way it should. They will speak poorly of the person who has found the success they desire but have not attained...yet.

7) They become a crusader and/or lone wolf as people stop following them.
Because the self-centered person is so driven to have their way succeed they will become desperate to hold on to their vision or dream and do whatever it takes to keep it from dying, especially as they see people giving up and walking away. This includes surrounding him or herself with "yes people", constantly "pounding the point home", belittling people for not being totally on board, or trying to guilt people into it. None of these things builds support, in fact, it drives people away once they see the self-centered person for who he or she really is.

Regardless of what the charismatic self-centered person may say or do, in reality they have stopped seeking to find God's will, they are not genuinely loving others (unless you totally agree and follow everything they are saying), and the goal or vision has become an idol (it has taken the place of God).

Is their a solution to combat this self-centered/self-seeking attitude?

First the person MUST recognize that they have a problem and that they need to make changes.

Next, the person must turn to God in repentance and prayer. He or she MUST ask God to help them recognize the self-seeking attitude for what it is (even when the goal or vision seems to be one that will build the Kingdom of God but in reality is set to build that person's reputation).

Another key is constant evaluation instead of constant change. They need to ask, "What is my motive? What is really in my heart? Am I doing this for God or for me?". Every time he or she finds that they are falling back into the "self trap" they need to seek God's help.

Another huge key is real accountability. The self-centered person who surrounds him or herself with "yes people" (those who tend to be weak and naive in the presence of someone who is strong and persuasive) will tend to get his or her way. It is up to the person seeking to change from a self-centered person to a God-center person to surround him or herself with people who ask the hard questions and are not afraid to confront when it is needed.

Whether this applies to you, your parent, your child, your boss, or a friend we must be patient and realize that change is not easy and that it can be a struggle,  but also realize that you must be firm or change will be ignored.

If you care about someone, then you will have their best interest at heart, and when change comes, it will not only please you but will also lead them (or you) into a path that allows God to be first, which is the best cure for self-centeredness.