The Unseen Threat

Yes, you're right. "The Unseen Threat" sounds like a commercial jingle for a termite control company. The threat I'm speaking of is just as much of a threat. It is one that works through the destruction of the mind and emotions. And as with termites, it can stay hidden from the human eye until it's destruction is so devastating that repair seems hopeless.

What is this "unseen threat"? The one I'm speaking of is one that involves the feelings and emotions. It is a sense of being threatened without an apparent cause. It's a tightening in the chest and jaw; a narrowing of the eyes; a sense of panic; the heart races; thoughts become irrational. No obvious threat, yet the response is as if a vicious dog had just jumped into your path of sight.

When I first began to notice that these feelings seemed , "irrational", I evaluated them as "control issues" (and at times they are). You see, my childhood was turbulent and life always seemed out of control and out of my hands. I controlled what ever I could, mostly in my mind, in an attempt to keep any ounce of sanity and dignity that I could.

As I hit my adult years, I  gained more freedom physically and in my thoughts. My mind was still in that state of defensiveness and an unrealistic sense of protecting myself continued to develop. At a young age I had to learn whom I could trust and from whom to keep my distance. The problem was that I kept myself from most people and had few friends (one all the way through elementary school, one in middle school, and only one close friend in high school). It was in an attempt to protect myself from anyone knowing what my home was like and who I was (I thought I was not worth knowing. I still think that at times. Interesting how deep childhood feeling can go).

When did I realize this "unseen threat" theory of mine? Just a few month ago. I was praying about a situation and it was as if God revealed to me that the problem/"threat" I was dealing with was "in my mind". I am not trying to minimize mental struggles, I know as well as anyone what that instability can cause, remember, I grew up with it. A question came to mind at the moment of the "insight", "Is this threat real or is it imaginary?"

"Is it real or is it imaginary?" What? I have a pretty descent sense of who I can trust and not trust and if a situation makes me comfortable or uncomfortable, now I am asking myself if what I am thinking is real or imaginary. Since I also tend to over think everything and this question was now throwing me for a loop, I had to evaluate if the question was legitimate and then if my thoughts were legitimate.

The evaluation went something like this: "Am I being physically threatened? No. Great. I like that answer. So there's no problem there. Am I being verbally attacked? Not that I knew of. Was I being emotionally abused. No." Wow! Have you ever had a burden lifted from your mind? I was safe. I live in a safe home with people who love me, with people who want my best. Even if my home were to be like my childhood home there was one thing that would remain the same, I am a child of God. He was my rock as a child. He was the one person in my life that I knew loved me and cared about me. I could feel Hid protection, time and time again (I would not be alive today if it were not for Him).

I guess maybe life always seems unstable for children of abuse. We peek around mental corners in attempt to protect ourselves. This is why I love that the battle we fight in our mind is one that God knows about. He knows that there is a spiritual battle that rages all around us, it is one that can affect our minds through emotions and feelings. .Ephesians 6:12 says, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." The passage goes on to tell us how to prepare ourselves for this battle.

Again, I am not trying to minimize mental struggles but I do know that, for me, there was freedom in realizing that I was living in a world that I had created to protect myself and that the "unseen threat" was not real. Now I have a way to evaluate perceived treats to see if they are real or unreal. Am I going to struggle? Yep. It is rooted deep from my childhood. Do I need to be defeated by it? Nope. I have a tool, not only a question to ask myself but also the weapons of spiritual warfare, God's Word. I have more hope and peace than I've had in years.

Now to work on the control issues.