As if being a grown up was not enough, being a parent is even better because they "know everything that there is to know about everything". They must, they can answer every question about every topic and they are always right there with a bandage and a hug whenever needed.
As you can see, at least in the mind of a young child, parents are amazing, maybe even super human.
Most children feel this way about their parent and most parents love the feeling that comes with being so special in the eyes of their offspring.
It is all a natural cycle of life that can come to an abrupt end when the child begins to see that other parents have the same amazing talents and knowledge as their parents do (or as the child enters the teen years and thinks that they know as much as their parents).
The concern here is not when the child sees a parent as perfect in their inexperienced mind but rather when that super human persona (the parent who knows everything and does no wrong) is carried beyond the normal child-like stage of immaturity.
Normally as a child grows and comes in contact with others, they begin to see qualities in other adults that they admire, even if that quality differs from that of their parent. Observant parents, or those who openly communicate with their child, will take notice and either encourage their child toward that positive attribute or take notice that the attribute would go against family values or even be harmful to the child, causing the parent to redirect the child through the power of influence.
I find myself coming across more and more parents who want to remain "perfect" in the mind of their child well beyond the child's impressionable years.
My recent experiences have been mainly fathers who want to maintain an image of perfection for the child to admire, sometimes into adulthood. The parent continues to lift himself or herself up to the child as someone had has no, or few, flaws.
Conversation with a family caught in this cycle can become awkward as a child (who ranges from preteen to adulthood) says things like, "Dad, remember when you said that. You were so right", or when the parent is absent, the child makes regular references back to a parent in a way that references the parent as always right.
We all have things we admire about a parent but I am referencing more than admiring mom because you enjoyed what she cooks.
Let's take a closer look at the situation.
First, it seems to be a deep need of the parent to maintain the role of perfection. This need of constant, homegrown approval is not healthy for the child or for the parent. We each need to take responsibility for our actions, both right and wrong. Our children need to see that we make mistakes (sin) and that we learn from those mistakes (turn away from sin) and grow from them (pursuing righteousness).
Secondly, as long as a child sees his parent as "practically perfect in every way" he will not reach beyond the family unit to find mentors and friends who challenge him to grow and mature to become a well balanced person.
Thirdly, a child of a "perfect parent" tends to be overly critical of others. This happens because the perfect parent uses criticism (belittling others) as a way to show how "perfect" they are. The child doesn't know any better and assumes her mom is always right, further setting up that super human image in the mind of the child.
Fourthly, the perfect parent basks in the glory of her child becoming just like her (mini me). The child of the perfect parent can easily take on characteristics of the perfect parent. It only makes sense to want to be a person who is as "perfect" as the your parent.
The fourth point can be a harmful one. It can create a "cocky" child who tends to be a "know-it-all", especially when he is not with the parent. It can also go in the reverse and create a helpless child who feels as sense of hopelessness because "perfection" is a hard act to follow.
This can also play out like it did in my life, feeling hopeless as a child because you couldn't meet your fathers expectations or standard only to grow up wanting others to see you as "perfect".
Fifthly, a child who grows into adulthood still seeing his or her parent as perfect will have a hard time connecting with others, especially when it come to finding a spouse. Think about it for a moment, when a parent is "perfect", when no one else in that child's life knew as much or could do as much as the the "perfect" parent, who will ever be able to measure up?
I will say that a parent who sets himself up as "perfect" in the sight of a child and never challenges that image, is setting himself up as an idol. Christ is the only perfect person that ever lived on this earth and the goal of any Christian parent should be to point his children to Christ and not to distract the child with want we want him to see us as.
How can we as parents avoid the pitfalls of setting ourselves up as "perfect" while remaining someone our children and admire and respect?
Point them to Jesus as the ultimate example of perfection.
Admit mistakes, show weakness (be sure you are being age appropriate).
Do not belittle or critize others.
Be willing to point our positive attribute and godly traits in those around you.
Don't use language that keeps the focus on your knowledge and accomplishes. Instead point out how thankful you are to God for giving you what you have.
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