Struggling to Trust

Has life ever piled up on you?

Have so many things come at you at once that it takes your breath away and you want to just hide?

As I sit here and type that is exactly how I am feeling. It's "real time" for me.

I have to admit that I am struggling to trust that it will all work out in the time that it needs to.

This is not the first time that I've felt this way and I am pretty sure it will not be the last. It is hard to admit a lack of trust as a follower of Jesus Christ. He's shown me His faithfulness over and over.

I know Jesus as my personal Savior. I know that my salvation was the one single thing that I could do absolutely nothing about. It was through His perfect sinless live, His dead, His burial, and His resurrection that I can have eternal life! In reality no problem can top that one.

So why do I still struggle with trust? The feeling of being overwhelmed by circumstances and wanting to just hide away and wait for them to go away really makes no sense but there it is.

This time it's finances. Who knows what it will be next time. Well, actually I do know who knows. My God knows. This did not take Him by surprise.

There is another element to  my "struggle to trust". It's in the questions that I keep asking myself.
"What if this is my fault? What if I deserve the problem because of disobedience, pride, or misuse?" Could it be that I am being punished (corrected) by God according to my own fault?

Yes, guilt added to worry. Not a good combination.

Do I know what to do about the situation itself, no. If I did, I would fix it. But my hands are tied.

Do I know what to do about the worry and the guilt? Yes. Pray. I have been in continual prayer for God to take care of the situation and reveal to me if my "guilt" has merit so change can come.

Do I know what to do to be released from the worry, the guilt, and to find the needed help in this situation? Yes. Trust! (which I am finding hard at this point)

Right now I am praying, and going to God's Word for the all reminders that He's got this. In fact, that He has my life in His hands all the time, in every circumstance.

If you are where I am, maybe these verses from Psalms and Proverbs will be an encouragement to you as well:

Psalms 4;5, 9;10, 18;2 &30, 20;7, 31; 1 &14, 32;10, 34;8, 37;5, 37;40, 64;10, 71;1, 91;2, 112;7, 115;11, 118;9

Proverbs 3;5,16;20, 29;25

Images of a Perfect Parent

Young children see their parents as amazing. After all, parents are grown ups, which is already cool, but on top of that they can eat what they want, they drive a car, can stay up late and go out with friends whenever they want to.

As if being a grown up was not enough, being a parent is even better because they "know everything that there is to know about everything". They must, they can answer every question about every topic and they are always right there with a bandage and a hug whenever needed.

As you can see, at least in the mind of a young child, parents are amazing, maybe even super human.

Most children feel this way about their parent and most parents love the feeling that comes with being so special in the eyes of their offspring.

It is all a natural cycle of life that can come to an abrupt end when the child begins to see that other parents have the same amazing talents and knowledge as their parents do (or as the child enters the teen years and thinks that they know as much as their parents).

The concern here is not when the child sees a parent as perfect in their inexperienced mind but rather when that super human persona (the parent who knows everything and does no wrong) is carried beyond the normal child-like stage of immaturity.

Normally as a child grows and comes in contact with others, they begin to see qualities in other adults that they admire, even if that quality differs from that of their parent. Observant parents, or those who openly communicate with their child, will take notice and either encourage their child toward that positive attribute or take notice that the attribute would go against family values or even be harmful to the child, causing the parent to redirect the child through the power of influence.

I find myself coming across more and more parents who want to remain "perfect" in the mind of their child well beyond the child's impressionable years.

My recent experiences have been mainly fathers who want to maintain an image of perfection for the child to admire, sometimes into adulthood. The parent continues to lift himself or herself up to the child as someone had has no, or few, flaws.

Conversation with a family caught in this cycle can become awkward as a child (who ranges from preteen to adulthood) says things like, "Dad, remember when you said that. You were so right", or when the parent is absent, the child makes regular references back to a parent in a way that references the parent as always right.

We all have things we admire about a parent but I am referencing more than admiring mom because you enjoyed what she cooks.

Let's take a closer look at the situation.

First, it seems to be a deep need of the parent to maintain the role of perfection. This need of constant, homegrown approval is not healthy for the child or for the parent. We each need to take responsibility for our actions, both right and wrong. Our children need to see that we make mistakes (sin) and that we learn from those mistakes (turn away from sin) and grow from them (pursuing righteousness).

Secondly, as long as a child sees his parent as "practically perfect in every way" he will not reach beyond the family unit to find mentors and friends who challenge him to grow and mature to become a well balanced person.

Thirdly, a child of a "perfect parent" tends to be overly critical of others. This happens because the perfect parent uses criticism (belittling others) as a way to show how "perfect" they are. The child doesn't know any better and assumes her mom is always right, further setting up that super human image in the mind of the child.

Fourthly, the perfect parent basks in the glory of her child becoming just like her (mini me). The child of the perfect parent can easily take on characteristics of the perfect parent. It only makes sense to want to be a person who is as "perfect" as the your parent.

The fourth point can be a harmful one. It can create a "cocky" child who tends to be a "know-it-all", especially when he is not with the parent. It can also go in the reverse and create a helpless child who feels as sense of hopelessness because "perfection" is a hard act to follow.

This can also play out like it did in my life, feeling hopeless as a child because you couldn't meet your fathers expectations or standard only to grow up wanting others to see you as "perfect".

Fifthly, a child who grows into adulthood still seeing his or her parent as perfect will have a hard time connecting with others, especially when it come to finding a spouse. Think about it for a moment, when a parent is "perfect", when no one else in that child's life knew as much or could do as much as the the "perfect" parent, who will ever be able to measure up?

I will say that a parent who sets himself up as "perfect" in the sight of a child and never challenges that image, is setting himself up as an idol. Christ is the only perfect person that ever lived on this earth and the goal of any Christian parent should be to point his children to Christ and not  to distract the child with want we want him to see us as.

How can we as parents avoid the pitfalls of setting ourselves up as "perfect" while remaining someone our children and admire and respect?

Point them to Jesus as the ultimate example of perfection.

Admit mistakes, show weakness (be sure you are being age appropriate).

Do not belittle or critize others.

Be willing to point our positive attribute and godly traits in those around you.

Don't use language that keeps the focus on your knowledge and accomplishes. Instead point out how thankful you are to God for giving you what you have.

When Life Stands Still

Have you ever felt that life was standing still?

As a young mother, I often felt that time was standing still, that my children would be little and needy forever.

When I was homeschooling my children in their elementary years, it seemed that time was standing still with the endless lesson plans, grading, and recording.

Time did not stand still. It marched on and now my children are adults and my personal care for them is no longer needed.

I find myself, once again, in a place where time seems to be standing still. I feel that there is something more out there that I can be doing to make a difference.

Can you relate?

Have you ever felt that hands on the clock are frozen? Maybe you have felt like your hands are tied behind you and you couldn't do anything to make a change?

When I hit periods like this I start praying. I pray for direction. I pray for an open door. I pray for contentment. I pray for opportunities. I pray because I feel stuck and I don't know why.

I can get frustrated because, during times like this, I don't know if it is my lack of contentment or if it is God's prompting in my life to prepare me for a change.

Regardless of the reason, I always end up feeling guilt. I feel that I should be happy where I am, willing to do the work that God has given me with joy. I wonder if I am listening to God or am I missing something and therefore missing out on what God has for me.

I will be the first to admit that I tend to set up stipulations for God to fulfill, for Him to show me His "will" for my life. Sort of like when Gideon when he laid out the fleece (Judges 6:36-40).

I've done this time and again. Sometimes God shows me clearly what He wants me to do and other times He makes me "wait it out" until I can clearly see what it is that He has for me.

As I sit here, I can say that I feel like I am standing still, that there is something I am supposed to be doing beyond what I am doing now, but I don't know what it is, so I'm in prayer. I am waiting (which is not easy).

During times like this my comfort comes in knowing that my God loves me and that He is with me. Even if this "feeling" that life is standing still simply subsides and I never know why it came, my God is with me and He is in control.

God wants to be there for you as well, no matter what you are facing. We need to learn to trust Him and to rest in Him. He is in control and will work all things out for our good.

Study to Learn:

These times of waiting call for prayers and affirmation from God Word.

Peace- John 14 (14:27)

God is with us- Hebrews 13:5

God is working His will- Philippians 2:13, Hebrews 13:21

God knows what He is doing- Jeremiah 29:11

Affirming a Child Toward Positive Results

I home schooled our children for a number of years before they entered a classroom full of other children.

Until that point, our daughter had been our "social butterfly". Whether at the park, on the soccer field, at church, or on an outings with other home school families, our daughter enjoyed time running, playing and talking with other children.

I can still remember one day at the playground when she came running toward me, with great excitement, to share that she had a new friend. When I asked want the name of this new friend was, she simply said, "I don't know" and off she ran to continue playing with her new bestie.

The year before she entered fourth grade, her father, who is a a teacher, taught the students who she would be joining. Our thoughts were that it would make it so much easier for her because the class knew and liked her father.

We could not have been more wrong. A couple of the "leaders" in the group were girls who decided, for whatever reason, to isolate our daughter. She was being ignored and excluded and she knew it.

Her only friend that year was another "new girl" who's father had joined the teaching staff. Our daughter and this young lady met during the summer and became friends. She also felt the brunt of being rejected by the "popular girls" who had the power to set the tone for all the other girls in the class.

Every evening, for a year, our daughter came home in tears.

Our hearts broke. How could children be so cruel? Our daughter was a sweet, kind girl. How could someone not like her and instead chose to turn others against her?

Praise God that He directed us at that time. Instead of trying to "make her feel better" by ridiculing or demeaning the "bullies", we affirmed her as a person in positive ways. Today she is a strong person. She knows who she is in Christ and she has a heart for the "underdog". That difficult time made her a better person.

Recently, I have had the opportunity to watch a mother and father interact with their three small children. They stand out from others around them because the children seem to have such a hard time interacting with other children and the authority around them.

One thing I noticed was how they "affirm" the children.

One evening, after a meeting, the mother entered the room where the group of children were being cared for, only to find her oldest daughter break down in front of her as she ran into her arms. With out a word from the child, mom began to comfort the child with these word, "I knew this would be hard for you. There are so many people back her. I knew you would have a hard time."

Mom had just affirmed the child - but to what end?

Why is this even a concern? My fear is that this child is more likely to grasp an "excuse" and not take hold of a means of "dealing" with circumstances. (Proverbs 22:6)

Each "excuse" builds on the next. In the same manner, each time a child learns to "deal" with a circumstance, beyond their control, it builds on the next. That is how we move toward positive results in our affirmation.

Children are smarter than they are given credit for. When they find the easier road or shortcut, they will take it because it means less responsibility and possibly more attention from those around them. Children will gladly remain "babies" for as long as they can to avoid growing up. They will cry, whine, throw fits, and make you feel sorry for them, all as a way to avoid work and/or getting in trouble.

How will they learn to be who God created them to be if we as their parents and guardians do not help them to work hard, to take responsibility, to share, to be kind, to be polite, to be respectful, to be obedient? And the list goes on.

Is what the mother mentioned above wrong? Yes, only because she did not take the next step - that of building confidence in her child. It is as simple saying, "I knew this was going to be hard for you but you did it, you stayed the whole time and were brave. I'm proud of you. Next time, you'll do even better. Wipe your tears. You did good." In this way, the mother would have affirmed the feeling of fear but would have also affirmed in the child that her mother trusts her enough to do even better next time.  

We must train and we must teach our children (Deuteronomy 6:4-9) . We must help our children grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. Their future is in our hands. They are God's gift to us and He has placed them in our home for a reason. Let's seek His help to raise up children who will follow Him and do His will  and let's learn to affirm toward positive results.

Getting Our Hands Dirty

After moving into the house where we now live, I decided that I wanted a vegetable garden. 

I had tried to grow a garden when we lived in Florida, but our small back yard was very shaded and all I could grow were flowers, which I loved.

My excitement grew as I started the process of establishing a garden. My excitement waned as we did everything by hand since we didn't have a tiller to work the ground.

The first attempt was a sad one to say the least, not much grew to maturity. Plus, I got it in late so things began to die off before they really got started. 

I guess I could have given up, but I was determined, and so I tried a fall garden. Once again, a fail.

The next spring I made another attempt. I bought more seeds as well as some seedlings. This time it did better.

The next spring my husband and I worked the compost from our compost pile into the ground as well. It was the most productive yet. 

This past spring showed itself the best so far. I even had enough zucchini, leafy lettuce, and tomatoes to give away! Exciting to say the least.

Now that my husband and I have a few hens, we have great natural fertilizer that we worked into the beds a few months back, covered them with leaves and will be tilling them to form rows so the planting can begin in the next couple months. So I am beginning the thought process for this spring, and I am looking forward to seeing what happens (I have high expectations to say the least).

So why write about my simple little backyard gardening experience? As I think about the work that it takes to garden I think about how many people I hear say, "I don't have a green thumb. I can't get anything to grow." 

Usually, if I pry a little, I find that they don't have the time, or that they don't take the time to "tend" the growing area. They forget to water. They don't weed. They do not watch for insects or disease. I would venture to make the statement that "they don't get their hands dirty".

You see, when I am in the midst of the gardening season, I am out in the morning checking on the garden, pulling  weeds, watching for bugs and disease, etc. Are you seeing a pattern or at least a difference? 

The point is that to have a green thumb, you have to have dirty hands. 

This concept applies to other areas of life. Without thought, commitment, and hard work there will not be success and there will not be a harvest.

Parenting takes thought, commitment, and hard work. 

A career takes thought, commitment, and hard work.

A life lived for Jesus Christ takes thought, commitment, and hard work (even though it is His thought, His commitment and His work that brings success and a harvest, we must still surrender our life to His will). 

God wants to work through us. He wants us to get our hands dirty to build His Kingdom. 

What does that look like? 

First, we must have a personal relationship with Jesus (salvation), then we will find that we all fall under the same standards set forth in the Bible (loving God and loving others, Matthew 22:37, as well as other commands). Beyond that, what God's work looks like in each of us differs depending on what He has given us as far as abilities, talents, and gifts are concerned.   

My abilities, talents, and gifts are different from yours but God will use each us to reach those He has placed around us. We can then depend on Him to give us the thoughts, commitment, and ability to do the hard work that is needed. 

It is a privilege to "get our hands dirty" to build His Kingdom through our commitment to Him.

Psalm 37:5"Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it."

Proverbs 16:3 "Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established." 

Are you Listening?

A few years ago, while working at a children's camp, my husband and I were present during a tragic event.

Each Friday evening, as camp wound down, there was a rodeo for the children (and families members) to watch and enjoy.

One Friday evening, as my husband and I manned our booth, we heard a simultaneous gasp from the crowd, then silence. As we squeezed between the grandstands, to peer into the ring, we saw a horse on the ground.

A bystander ask us if we saw what happened. We had not, so he went on to tell us that the fallen horse was laying on it's rider. The horse was motionless. The crowd was motionless as they sat in silence watching men rush into the ring to see if the man pinned under the weight of the horse was still alive.

Graham, the horses owner, was still alive but badly injured. In the days that followed we learned more about Graham's story.

Graham had trained his horse to lay perfectly still if it ever fell over with him on his back. Graham knew that weight of a horse, as well as it physical strength, could crush a man to death if it tried to jump back to it's feet after falling on it's rider. Graham's training and the horses willingness to listen to his master's instructions, had saved the the life of his rider, although the road that laid before him would be years of recovery.

There is another twist in Graham's story that I want to share. This twist came as his wife shared, in the days that followed her husband's time in the hospital, as she questioned "why?".

A couple of years before the accident, Graham came home and told his wife that he was sure that they were to become missionaries. His wife was against the thought and had persuaded her husband that if they were to be missionaries, that surely it would not be for years, after their two little boys were bigger. Besides, Graham was enjoying the position at the camp, working with the horses. Why would God call them to leave the ministry that they enjoyed so much?

Graham was willing to wait but now his wife, looking back, wondered if it was her delay in obeying God and following her husband, that had caused this tragic event and was now transforming her life and that of her family.

Was it her "fault"?  I think the the real question is, "Should she have been willing to surrender to the call God had given to her husband?" Regardless of the answer, should she have said, "I will listen to what God is telling you because I trust Him to care for us."?

Listening. Being willing to obey. It sounds like a strange analogy, but why was it that a horse would listen and learn yet so often, we as humans, don't? Speaking for myself, there are times that I can say that the horse is better at listening than I am.

My husband and I were recently asked how we knew that it was God's will for us to go on the mission field (were we served for five years) as well as coming off the field and into the place were my husband is now serving. A good question. Hard to answer in a few sentences. As I look back all I can say is through experience. By "experience" I mean that we have learned lessons of what it looks like when we are listening to God and when we are not listening to Him.

Granted it is not always obvious to us right away.

Each time God calls, each of us chooses to listen (obey) or to not listen (sin). When God calls us to do something and we listen (obey) we find that he rewards us in amazing ways. Each time we chose not to listen (sin) we find ourselves in "turmoil", which we usually bring on ourselves because we are in disobedience, hanging on to something that we do not want to give up.

I have been in this position time and again, "turmoil" brought on by not wanting to let go of something I see as important, instead of listening to what God is telling me to do. During these times of disobedience I have found myself miserable or in the midst of "everything going wrong".

I find that once I release control and chose to obey, things fall into place, which brings peace as well as other wonderful opportunities, often better than where I was before releasing control. God is so gracious and patient!

Listening and being willing to obey only comes as we submit to God and learn His way, which comes through prayer and His Word.

Proverbs is a good place to learn what happens when we listen and learn and also what happens when we chose not to listen and not to learn.

Here are just a couple of verses to start with...
Psalm 86:11
Proverbs 1:5, 9:9, 10:8, 19:25

Why Worry...

Have you ever heard the Sunday School song "Why Worry"? It was a song I learned in church as a child. It says, "Why worry, when you can pray..."

A song of great encouragement, but have you ever found yourself worrying while praying or worrying right through a prayer only to end the prayer still in a state of worry? I have, over and over again.

I know that I am not the only Christian in the world who does this. In fact, during a small group meeting a few days ago an elderly gentleman teased his wife as he told us, "If you need someone to worry about something for you, just tell it to my wife and she will worry for you." I laughed, but could relate to her at the same time.  

I am in the middle of a time of "concern" as I type. Yes, by concern I mean worry. It is one of those things where my "hands seemed tied". There's not a thing that I can do to change the circumstance or make a difference in the direction it takes. Stuck!

As I wondered though the house the other day, I found myself praying for peace. I knew that I could do nothing and that worry was just making me feel physically ill. I knew that I was in sin for worrying, so I prayed. Instead of an instant feeling of peace, the Holy Spirit brought a verse to mind. 

Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"

The thing that I love about this this verse coming to mind was the fact that while I was praying for peace, God was telling me to "be still". 

Have you ever told your child to "be still". It brought to  my mind authority, the kind of authority that only comes with experience and confidence that all will be fine, so "sit still and wait". 

Wow! That is peace, when God says to you, "It's alright, I got this. Sit still and wait." Can you see now why I used the picture of the little guy asleep amidst the hustle and bustle of a busy area. I liked the image of rest, a lack of worry that comes with knowing someone else is in charge and you you can rest in that fact.

Jesus addressed the topic of worry while He was on this earth. He knows that we are frail in this human state and He addressed it with the crowds as well as His disciples. Why? Beside knowing our weaknesses He also wants us to know that there is hope. He is that hope. He is our Hope. He wants us to turn to Him and to turn our worries, fears, and frustrations over to His care and to trust Him to handle it all, His way and in His time.

So what does Jesus say? 

Read thought these passages as you pray and ask God to take the worry that you dealing with and to bring peace, or a sense of "be still" and then release it to Him to deal with in His way and in His time.

Matthew 6:25-34
Luke 12:22-32

One last thing, Psalms 4:8 "In peace I will both lie down and sleep: for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."