A Lonely Place

Have you ever wanted to curl up in the lap of God and cry?

Yeah, me too, more often than I care to admit.

What causes these times of loneliness? What events bring us to the point of being in a lonely place?

It is different for each person. We all have "weak spots" where certain people and/or certain events drive us to retreat to a lonely place, possibly even into depression.

For me, wow, where to begin?  Childhood was rough and set me up for a number of insecurities and an inability to handle when things do not go the way I had envisioned (being an oldest daughter doesn't help with that either). Even with a great husband and awesome kids, I still spend time in lonely places when I loss focus, when I come to a "weak spot".

One of the major "weak spots" lines in friendships. I am not bubbly and it takes a lot for me to trust someone. I also tend to quickly turn from someone who "breaks" trust. I have dear friends who live in other states but none where I am now and it is very difficult not to have a friend or two who I can really trust and pour my heart out to when I feel overwhelmed. Even more despairing is that when I've tried to open up, I felt I was shut down. 

So, what did I do? Prayed. It was something I learned growing up in a crazy home; turning to the Lord. Remember when I asked if you ever wanted to curl up in God's lap and cry? I've done that over and over again in my heart and mind as I called out to Him for help and strength when I was in a lonely place. 

God's Word, the Bible, is the other place I turn (that God uses to remind me) to find truth and comfort. Sometimes I just want someone to sit and talk to, face to face, yet all truth comes from God and that truth is written in His Word. When I am willing to give up what I think I need He shows me what I need.

What are you dealing with? Does someone seem to be standing in the way of your dreams or happiness? Are your emotions out of control? Have you thought that life is far too overwhelming to carry on? Stop. Pray. Pick up the Bible and begin searching. 

There is hope even when you are curled up in a corner sobbing your heart out. Even now as you read this and a tear rolls down your face. God says He is with us (Matthew 28:20). It's time to move toward Him and away for the lonely place.

Giving Thanks vs. Being Thankful

During our eleven years in Florida, we would go to my aunts house for Easter and Thanksgiving. Both holidays were a fun time of celebration, fellowship, and food. A tradition during Thanksgiving was to go around the room and tell what we were thankful for. Of course everyone was thankful for family and friends and a home. As I contemplated Thanksgiving this year something occurred to me, being thankful verses giving thanks. 

Aren't they the same? Maybe. Maybe not. It could be in the way thankful thoughts are expressed or maybe it is about attitude. As a human being I have many things to be thankful for. As a human being I can easily say that the things that I am thankful for were forged by my own will or by my own hands. If I am working hard and thinking positive thoughts then the things I gain, whether material or mental well being, have come about though my own effort. Do you see where I am going here?
(Romans 1:21, Romans 14:6)

Now let's look at this from a different perspective, that of a follower of Jesus Christ. I did a quick search on "give thanks" and found that that phrase alone appeared 74 times (44 of those in Psalms) and that most of them were followed by "to the Lord" (or other names of God). Some of those listed in the New Testament were Jesus offering thanks to God the Father during the Last Supper. Of all the verses in the Bible that would lead us to a state of thanksgiving, the ones I read were enough to remind me to give thanks where thanks is due, to God. 

We must be willing to recognize God for who He is and not who we think He should be. We don't "get" God because we are not God. Like Job, we are to thank God in the bad and in the good BECAUSE HE IS GOD. He created us. He knows us. He knows what is best for us. He loves us. But more important than all those facts is that He is God and deserves our devotion, our praise, and our thanksgiving!

Take a few minutes this week and search out the "giving thanks" verses, also read Mary's Song in Luke 1:46-55. Then spend time thanking God for all He is, then thank Him for all He has done, then thank Him for what He has done in your life personally. Oh and if you have the chance to "tell what you are thankful for" around the Thanksgiving table this year, be sure to give all the glory (credit) to God because it is His in the first place.

Psalms 145:10 "All Your works will give thanks to you, O Lord, and Your godly one shall bless You." 

What's Your "Bottom Line"?

When was the last time you asked yourself what your priorities are? Do you know what is really important to you? Do you know what your "bottom line" is?

Most of us have a "bottom line" in one or more areas of our life. When we hear the phrase "bottom line", we may think of it as a business term that means "the final total of an account" or we may think of the meaning "the underlying or ultimate outcome". Either way, without a "bottom line" it is hard to find direction and know when you've reached a goal.

So let's take this personal.

Family. Do you have a bottom line when it comes to what you will allow in the life of your children. Do you care enough (pay enough attention) to know what music they are listening to, what they are watching on television, viewing on-line? What about their friends?  Who are they? What do they listen to and view? What kind of attitude do they have with their parents? Do their parents have the same values as you? NEVER ASSUME!

Your life. Do you have a bottom line when it come to what you will allow into your life? What do you view when no one is around? What do you listen to when you have your ear buds in? Where are you willing to go when you know no one will ever know? Who do you hang out with when you know no one will find out? Do you even care?

When we are not willing to ask the hard questions, like those listed above, we can pretty much assume that the "bottom line" is simply none existent, not important or we don't realize, that to maneuver through life, it is good to have a bottom line.

God. Do you have a bottom line when comes to God?  What should your "underlying or ultimate outcome" be when it comes to your relationship with Him? While we need to examine ourselves and our motivations when it comes to our relationship with God, He's the one that gives us clear direction on what He wants and how to get there through the Bible.

Deuteronomy 13:4 tell us to follow, fear, keep His commandments, listen, serve, and cling.
Luke 4:8 says to worship and serve.
Matthew 22:37 says to love Him with ALL out heart, soul and mind.

Going to church; dropping money in the offering, doing good deed, being baptize; taking communion (and so on) are only rituals when we do not have a personal relationship with God based on the finished work of Jesus Christ (His Son), that allows our sins to be forgiven when we accept Him as our personal Savior.

Bottom lines. They are reached when we are willing to do the work. Life is hard but not impossible, well, not impossible when God is in charge. You can begin today by asking the hard question but the first and most important is, "Do you have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ"? 1 John 1:9

Forgiving Others and Ourself

So...forgiving. Not only does it tend to be an overwhelming thought it also tends to be an overwhelming action.

I have to admit that I am NOT a very forgiving person. I was not raised in a home that showed or offered forgiveness, so it tend to allude me to this day. Receintly I started a study in "Forgiving". Man, have I been learning a lot. Let me try to articulate some of the basics.

The first concept I had to REALLY think through was that I am not a good person. I may not be a "bad" person, but that would be judging myself based on those around me or according to what the world says is, "not bad" or what is "good". I know that as a Christian I must base "good" and "bad" by what God says is "good" and "bad". 

Why is this first? Why is it important?

When I am unforgiving I am ignoring the fact that I am NOT perfect. I am choosing to ignore the things that I have done to hurt others (including God). Not only hurting others but in general (including lying, cheating, stealing, negative thoughts and using negative words, gossip...oh yeah, the list goes on). Why admit any of this? I guess to encourage you to examine your own life and take responsibility for not being perfect. When we can admit that we are not perfect we can admit that others are just like us, not perfect. If we can mess up, they can mess up. Isn't easier to forgive someone when you realize how easy it is to make mistakes.

The second concept I had to really had to examine is that I have been forgiven. You see, I ask Jesus to forgive my sin and to be my Savior as a girl. Do I mess up? Well, I already admitted that but I have accepted the finish work of salvation through Jesus and He has forgiven my sin (past, present, future) according to His work, not mine. It was and is, a forgiveness that I do not deserve. I can not do anything to earn it or to repay it. So, if I have such forgiveness who am I to think that someone has hurt me so bad that there is no way I can forgive them? Yes, I know, not an easy thing to comprehend. I am still working on it, but I do what to get to the point in my own life that I can forgive with such abandon, so I will keep praying.

Oh, and if you want to see how ugly an unforgiving person can be read Matthew 18: 21-35

The last concept on forgiving that I am working on is the fact that I am CALLED to forgive. As a Christian it is not an option. I love that in 2 Corinthians 2:5-11, Paul makes a request the church at Corinth to forgive someone who had wronged him. As you read you see that the one who wronged Paul cause much hurt among the church members and that many of them had chosen to turn away from the offender. Paul, in a beautiful act of compassion, asks for the church to "forgive and comfort him so he would not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow". 

Him?? What about Paul?? What about those who had been hurt by this man's actions?? Paul goes on to ask them to "reaffirm their love for him". WOW, forgive, comfort and love!? How? Why? "For the sake of Christ" and so "Satan would not have an advantage". Oh, and if you'll notice, it is not mentioned that this man sought forgiveness yet it was to be offered.

What about the forgiving me thing? What am I learning when it comes to "forgiving myself"? I do recognize that I am my own worst critic. I can be very hard on myself for not doing something as well as it could/should be done or for not doing something with perfection. I am praying about and trying to make a conscious decision to "forgive myself". I have to be alright with not being perfect, for making mistakes. I need to work toward being like my Savior but I am not there yet and I can only get to that point with His help. So forgiving myself looks like this..."Tina, it's alright, you can finish that project later. Tomorrow is a new day." "Tina, stop and think before you speak next time." It is literally encouraging myself to lighten on up on Me. Is it an excuse to do what's wrong; to not apologize when I need to? Definitely not! It is an opportunity to allow myself to breath and move forward instead of shutting down because I am not perfect. 

So will you join me in taking the ropes of unforgiveness off of those you've bound and off of yourself, by forgiving? You can start with a pray. Don't stop there find a Bible study book or researching words like forgive, love, bear with one another. Also, be aware of bitterness and unforgiving thoughts and reactions (like avoidance) and reprogram from unforgiveness to forgiveness. Ask God for help so will recognize them. It's time to forgive. 

Growing Up Without Love

Unforgiveness, unrealistic expectation, hurtful words, lack of encouragement, yelling, confusion,self-centeredness, unfair punishment, do any of these words resonate with you? They do with me. I could go on but they are not the true focus. 

During a study about forgiveness I found myself coming back to the word love. As I took a personal evaluation of what love is and what it is not,I kept coming up short.

Then something dawned on me, something that I had never thought of before, love (according to the Bible) is NOT providing for the physical needs of our family, which is a lie that has been spawned for generations. 

Why would I make such a statement? Well, the Bible personally draws out the man who does not provide for the physical needs of his family and calls him a sluggard but I cannot find where the Bible relates bringing home a pay check as an act of truly loving. 

Also, "Love is"...does not only apply to how we respond and interact with believers and the world, it is also how we respond to, interact with, and love our family.

This was an eye opener for me. Not because I was/am the bread winner for my family or because my husband shirked his responsibilities but because it made me realize that I was a child that grew up without love.

I am more than familiar with the "adjectives" listed in the opening. Growing up in a home where a pay check was brought home by someone that would rather be feared, revered, and obeyed without question, has a difficult time showing love of biblical proportions.

None of us is perfect! We must forgive and move on but more importantly we must learn to love as God loves. How do we love? Where do we learn what love is? How do we apply it? How do we avoid what come naturally to our selfish nature?

How does forgiveness, kindness, mercy, tender-heartedness, bearing with one another sound? Better that the first list, right!? The only way I know to find what is real and lasting is to go to the original source of love-God (remember God the Son, Jesus, showed the ultimate love by dying for our sins). How about starting your search with Ephesians 4:31-5:2, Ephesians 5:1-2, Colossians 3:12-15, James 2:13. Don't forget to pray for God's help as you learn to really love. Oh, and don't be afraid to apologize!

Great Expectaions

Many doctors and organizations would argue about what the biggest threat to a healthy life is. Heart disease and cancer may top the list of biggest health risks but we know that there are many things that cause pain and suffering in these mortal bodies.

I want to set forth what I consider to be the biggest threat to our emotional health, "great expectations". No, not Charles Dickens' book or those expectations that help us achieve goals but instead, expectations that are much bigger than the reality around them.

What do I mean by "bigger than the reality around them"? When the expectations we set for ourselves and those around us are impossible to achieve or live up to, then they become "bigger that the reality around them". This happens more often than we realize, especially in regards to those around us. 

I'm just as guilty as the next when it comes to setting up "great expectations" for those around me.Then when they "fail me", I turn on them or I turn away from them, in hurt or in anger. In fact, I do this more often than I care to admit.

Where do such expectations come from? Well, they don't come from the Holy Scriptures. Jesus told us to "forgive as His Father has forgiven us" and to "turn the other cheek". They may come from our childhood, maybe a parent who always set the bar high for himself or herself and the rest of the family, to the point of being unattainable. Maybe from a teacher, an aunt, an uncle, or a mentor who was older and wiser, one who we respected and who encouraged us but that set unspoken expectations that we feel we could not fulfill. I am sure the list goes on and that there articles in medical journals somewhere, but that's not the point.

The point is that we cannot live under unrealistic expectations and we should not force others to live under our unrealistic expectations either. So what can we do about it?

First, we need to recognize those "great expectations" as they seek to establish themselves in our mind and emotions. Next, we must examine where they stem from (those imposed on us in our childhood, possibly). Then we must evaluate them to see if they are realistic or unrealistic. This must be done without realization (it is never healthy to make excuses to justify why we are doing something we know is wrong). There are realistic expectations, but they walk a fine line.

Once we see them for what they are (unrealistic expectations), and recognize why we are dealing with them, then we can move forward to reconciling them. This tends to be the hard part because it often means that we have to humble ourselves and make amends for setting our own expectations on those involved. We must realize that no matter how right we feel we are that those around us may not have the same expectations as we do. It is unfair to assume that those around us think or feel the same way that we do. We would be very offended if they assumed upon to us. In other words we may need to talk it out with them and we may need to ask forgiveness for our reaction. No, not easy!!

Even if what happened "to us" was the fault of someone else, we still have to be careful to examine our expectations and be willing to offer forgiveness and seek to set right the relationship, for our sake and for theirs. When we can train ourselves to recognize "great expectations" we will learn to live a more peace filled life.

From Disdain to Comfort

        From Disdain to Comfort

As I ran through  my usual morning routines, something dawned on me. It was a familiar sound. A sound I heard hundreds of times growing up a block from a steel mill. It was a train whistle.

Sounds odd, doesn't it? No, not the train whistle itself, but the fact that this morning, in comparison to others, I would even notice it's distant sound. The strangest part of it for me was the feeling that came over me when I heard it. Comfort.

I must admit that "comfort" is the last word I would use after 20 plus years of hearing train whistles blowing as they approached the steel mill to deliver their loads. How I ever learned to sleep through the loud annoying sound of a train whistle, a block away, is beyond me. The realization of sleeping through it as a child hit me when my family tried to stay at my parent's home during a visit. I was rudely awakened in the early morning hours as a train made it's approach to the plant.

"Comfort"? So where did that come from?  From disdain to comfort? Yep. A feeling of comfort came over me, one I cannot explain. It was an internal sigh, of peace. I know it didn't come from pleasant childhood memories since their so few of those. It didn't come from a deep love of all things train, although I think trains are neat. Maybe the sleep? A peace in sleep that existed even in the midst of a loud long train whistle warning of it approach? Maybe? That seems to make the most sense in my mind.

The comfort I felt at that moment and then the thought of sleeping though it for so many years reminds me of one of my favorite Bible verses. Psalms 4:8 says, "In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." (ESV)

When I think of my truest source of comfort it comes from God and God alone. The hope that He has given me through His son Jesus Christ is so far beyond anything I can express. So how can disdain of anything in our life be turned to comfort? By turning it over to God. A rough childhood, abuse, no self-worth, no hope; they can be given to Him in trust that He gives hope and peace. But it requires that we release bitterness, anger, and resistance. Easy? Not always. Possible? Yes.